63.7 miles: Fantastic Weekend

I'm quite certain I don't need the positivity project to feel good about this weekend/trip to Chicago.

1) Awesome evening of dinner + wine + Doctor Who.

2) Violet Hour.

3) Seeing people (MC, JB, KL, CW, LG!)

4) Bagpipes on parade!

5) Beach!

6) Fireworks!

Also, day off, cooking, good foods, late-night dessert at Clarkes, etc. etc.

And something.

Early Weekend?

I had no time-related obligations this morning and had been on campus for 11 days straight (for various time frames), so around 9AM today I decided "not gonna push it." I might go in Sunday afternoon after I get back from a therapeutic weekend with Mom. I'm going in this afternoon as well, but only for ~2 hours before I catch my bus to go to see the family.

In between breakfast and packing and watching an episode of Castle, I googled "grad school depression." I'm not suicidal or anything, but my can't-seem-to-get-out-of-bed-and-start-the-day feelings sometimes make me wonder if I'm headed in a bad direction....Which may in fact be true, as I found the following from a blog in 2009:

...my class schedule seemed so light compared to the 12-hour days of class I used to put in during my undergrad, but something about the environment and the workload and the expectations and the looming deadlines combine to make me feel sometimes like I'm not cut out to be an adult. Or to do anything, really. Sunday nights, I get so anxious about starting the new week and all of the constant worry about my impossible to-do list that I just want to hide in my bedroom and not come out.

Strangely (or perhaps not), it is very soothing to know other people suffer the exact same problem! I'd highlight the parts of this that are particularly relevant, but it's hard to choose. The class schedule did seem light...though last semester it miraculously took up a majority of my days. Not sure how that happened. Not feeling like an adult. Feeling incompetent. Both true. Looking at 2nd and 3rd year grad students it seems like they've got it down...even my fellow first-year seems to have a much better grasp on it...I'm starting to think it's a learned skill, though, because (in spite of today) I am getting better about scheduling/time management/getting shit done. Finally, Sunday nights! I hate Sundays after 5PM with a burning passion! It's the end of a glorious period known as 'the weekend' and the next day you're expected to wake up early and go to campus and do groundbreaking research and homework and it all sort of gets to you.

Most of the suggestions I saw (all over the internet) were very apt: take care of yourself (eat, sleep, exercise); spend time with people/develop relationships; find your passion and your love (you might be in the wrong place). Basically what I'm doing. So. I've really enjoyed my 4-hour vacation; now to pack up my stuff, go to campus, do some work and print some papers to read on the bus...

Fun Night!

So I haven't been out for a while, trying to stay on top of, well, everything, really. Which made tonight nice on a number of levels...

About a month ago, one of my friends re-started a "getting together" thread. This friend was of Russian origin, and the gathering was a cultural one that happens pretty regularly (every few months, anyway). Initially, it was about five or six of us, a year or two ago, at someone's apartment on the North side. We have reconvened two or three times since (and tried a couple more, but those just didn't work out). We gather to have a potluck dinner; everyone brings a food item, and we try our best to cook, or at the very least go to a Polish/generally European or middle-eastern supermarket to get something extra-special (Russian social eating habits include elements of all of these).

This time was cool because everyone had talked to their friends about this tradition, and they all wanted to come; so we invited them, and tonight ended up being a night of meeting new people in an environment that I find a comforting change from my usual company at IIT.

To explain: I am not a cultural clique-ist. I will normally be neutral toward or even tend away from people of my cultural background. I will not analyze why because it's basically an observational fact. Still, after moving away from home (where I was surrounded in Russian culture most of the time), and maybe even after moving away from our home in California, in an area that had a huge Russian community, I found that I seriously missed that kind of interaction. I missed quoting classic (Russian) movies to people outside my family without lengthy explanations, I missed the slightly more formal approach to having friends over, and I even missed the language. These Russian gatherings provide me with a rare opportunity to have these things and ones that I can't quantify as easily....

It can sometimes be hard to keep up with your culture in college; even when you share bits of it with your college friends, it's difficult--it's a foreground activity instead of a background presence. I'm really glad I found people to share a part of myself with which I don't necessarily have with my usual (awesome!) group of friends.

And it turned out to be a great way of meeting new people in a relaxed environment; something I've been having trouble finding lately!

Happy Friday!

Ah, another week done. Tiring, but satisfying.

I got my research project working yesterday, tested it some more under different conditions today. Need some advice from my advisor before continuing; I know nothing about statistics! Which I am sure to remedy in the next semester, one way or another.

Got some of my textbooks in the mail. MMAE 485 textbook was HUGE. By now I'm not even expecting to learn it all, but I hope I won't need it in class every day. It's like two inches thick, and 9 by 11 at least.

Up for this weekend: CAMPING! About 10 of us are going to a park about 100 miles out of Chicago for the weekend. Some left today; the rest of us are following tomorrow morning at a luxurious 9 AM. Sleeping in! Haha. I can't wait to be back at school where the earliest thing I need to be up for is 10 AM classes.