Real men (and women!)

I have been judging some of my friends on some of their qualities lately. It was bothering me. Why did it bother me that said (male) friend was uncomfortable with dirt? Or spiders? Or smells? Then it occurred to me, these qualities bother me in women just as much as men. The only difference is that society gives women a 'pass' when it comes to 'macho' qualities; just like men get a 'pass' when it comes to 'prissy' qualities. So, while I realize that this is one of those types of posts that shows up all the time, I feel I have a unique take on it, so here goes: What Real Men (and Women) Do!

By the by, this list is idealistic. No one can possibly have all of these qualities 100%. There are legitimate illnesses, phobias, etc. I'm talking about qualities that society has generally found admirable in men (or women) that women (or men) should also have.

Real men (and women!)

1) Control their emotions, within reason.

Men have traditionally been expected to be stoic. But the thing is, we as a society are so over women swooning and crying and fainting over everything. We're also (or at least we should be) over bitchy women going off the handle; same for men. You're an adult for goodness' sakes! Just be civil!

2) Do not fear.

Men do the dirty work around the house, crush bees and spiders in their bare hands, go camping for fun, and come home smelling like a week of sweat and dirt. Well, honestly? There's no reason women can't...and should, do the same things! Granted, I feel crushing insects is unsanitary and (in the case of bees) unsafe, so grab a tissue. But don't have 'the man in your life' do it for you, ladies! More fundamentally, as my mother taught me, there is nothing wrong with getting dirty as long as you get clean again when socially appropriate. Shower for an hour after a week camping, wash your hands after digging in the garden or fixing your bike (or car).

3) Take charge of their life.

Colleges no longer offer an MRS. degree. Even if you end up as a stay-at-home-mom, you should have a career. You should have interests. You should get an education (to whatever level is appropriate). Nothing is wrong with staying home with your kids for their formative years ; but even as a stay-at-home-mom, one should be striving to keep up with the state of their particular art. Every woman should be able to provide for herself if things with her man go south, or in any other contingency. Shit happens in life. No one should be powerless.

Real women (and men!)

4) Take care of themselves.

Shower. Brush teeth. Eat good, proper meals. Do all those things your mom reminded you to do until you moved out. There are men and women both that miss the mark on this one, but stereotypically it's men.

5) Develop and exercise taste.

XL stained white t-shirts when you're a size medium? Tasteless. As are grubby saggy jeans, torn up dirty sneakers, etc. Dirty anything, really. I'm not above a sweatshirt day once in a while (or even often), but when you're trying to impress someone, grubby doesn't cut it. Girls are known for 'cute outfits,' but guys have just as much responsibility for their appearance, demeanor, and vocabulary as girls do. They just get away with infractions much easier.

6) Cook and 'keep house.'

First of all, cooking is a life skill. It's like dressing yourself in the morning. Second, nothing is hotter than a guy with laundry detergent. Or a broom. This connects with the need for men and women to be in control of their lives; essentially, it comes down to being an independent, self-sufficient individual. Society doesn't need people that need to be taken care of.

So, that's my incomplete list of qualities we all need to have. :)

Fun Night!

So I haven't been out for a while, trying to stay on top of, well, everything, really. Which made tonight nice on a number of levels...

About a month ago, one of my friends re-started a "getting together" thread. This friend was of Russian origin, and the gathering was a cultural one that happens pretty regularly (every few months, anyway). Initially, it was about five or six of us, a year or two ago, at someone's apartment on the North side. We have reconvened two or three times since (and tried a couple more, but those just didn't work out). We gather to have a potluck dinner; everyone brings a food item, and we try our best to cook, or at the very least go to a Polish/generally European or middle-eastern supermarket to get something extra-special (Russian social eating habits include elements of all of these).

This time was cool because everyone had talked to their friends about this tradition, and they all wanted to come; so we invited them, and tonight ended up being a night of meeting new people in an environment that I find a comforting change from my usual company at IIT.

To explain: I am not a cultural clique-ist. I will normally be neutral toward or even tend away from people of my cultural background. I will not analyze why because it's basically an observational fact. Still, after moving away from home (where I was surrounded in Russian culture most of the time), and maybe even after moving away from our home in California, in an area that had a huge Russian community, I found that I seriously missed that kind of interaction. I missed quoting classic (Russian) movies to people outside my family without lengthy explanations, I missed the slightly more formal approach to having friends over, and I even missed the language. These Russian gatherings provide me with a rare opportunity to have these things and ones that I can't quantify as easily....

It can sometimes be hard to keep up with your culture in college; even when you share bits of it with your college friends, it's difficult--it's a foreground activity instead of a background presence. I'm really glad I found people to share a part of myself with which I don't necessarily have with my usual (awesome!) group of friends.

And it turned out to be a great way of meeting new people in a relaxed environment; something I've been having trouble finding lately!