Building a Reputation

One of the things that genuinely sucks about starting in a new place: all the work you did to build up your persona in the old place is gone. Can't depend on it anymore. I have to prove once again that I am smart, persistent, analytical. And I have to get over my fear of speaking up. It's easy to speak up when you have aces in your corner. It didn't take me long at camp--I had graduated summa cum laude from college, en route to grad school in Aerospace. I was humble--I hadn't done their job before, after all--but as far as overcoming myself, I had a lot to draw on, by comparison to 18-19 year old (sorry) kids.

At IIT it took me about 2 years to gauge my classmates to the point where I could say "If I don't get this, no one does" and ask my question. Whereas starting grad school, it was more like "I don't get this, am I a dumbass?" and then not want to ask anything, hoping that when I get home and look at my textbook it'll all make sense. You know how the saying goes "Better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."

It will happen in time, but that time passes with some degree of suffering.

In-Between

Training ended on Friday (later for me than others, more on this later).

The week was pretty fantastic--tiring and long but also (I guess) productive. We started by meeting everyone (of course), and going rules and policies and that stuff. Then First Aid/CPR. Somewhere in there we also started looking at the plan for the two-week sessions. Campout under the trees (COLD). Swim tests and being re-taught how to belay in a different style. "Rules" of hiking and a practice hike at Castle Rock. Campout at the beach, with travel staff cooking for the other 30 people (as well as themselves). The best part of the whole week was really the people and I'm glad we did a thing on the beach where we got to hug and have a short conversation with almost every fellow staffer. Random picture:

(Myself and resident staff counselor A_, the day we wore "matching" shirts. Neither is Apple-related, haha.)

Friday after the campout, I used my somewhat new "approved driver" status to drive 3 of the guys to the doctor for physicals (paperwork... :( ) I basically got to read for 4 hours (got through 10 pages of The Two Towers!) while they got that done. Then we went to get food before heading back to camp, since we had already missed lunch by a lot. By the time we got back, everyone had gotten their staff shirts, my roommates had moved into our actual summer housing and gotten their keys, and I was pretty hopelessly behind. So I rushed around catching people before they left for the day and managed to get stuff done. Yay! That was the end of training.

Today, I met one of my oldest friends, SS, for the day. We had giant crepes at Q-cup, then hung out at her house for a while. I did laundry and we played Monopoly with her boyfriend and talked. Later her sisters came home--aged five and eight. They're absolutely adorable and I forgot how easy it was to earn the adoration of such babies (especially the little one). They came to watch us play and I let the youngest roll the dice and move for me, while the older one took over the bank. Once we got RS (boyfriend) out, we quit and went swimming while the laundry finished. By then we had worked up appetites again and went for sushi! (California sushi rocks!)

We chose Chocolate Sushi in Sunnyvale--I had been there before and had an awesome time even though I was pretty full to begin with. The food was delicious once again, but this time I had more space to enjoy it. The coolest part was when we ordered chocolate sushi and it turned out it was actually chocolate-drizzled eel and avocado nigiri. It was weird but definitely a worthwhile experience!

After that we just chilled at her house and talked, again, until I had to go back. And had tea, as is the Russian way ;) . Back in my room, I packed for the camp session and ended up with surprisingly little stuff...I also discovered over the course of the day that I had lost track of my red IIT hoodie for the second time this week. I hope to find it tomorrow.

Finally, I forgot to mention--I got a mini Leatherman to replace the knife I had confiscated on my way here! It's tiny and cute and fits on my keychain. I hope it's sufficient for camp use!

Departures & Arrivals

My dad didn't understand why I heaved deep sighs in the car today on the way to the airport. It took me a while to, also. I'm not just leaving home for a summer job....I don't believe I will ever be home for more than a week in a row again, and it probably won't be as leisurely as these three weeks were. For some intents and purposes, I left behind "home" and I left behind some more vestiges of childhood. Some of the last.

I was really suprised when I started tearing up/choking up on the first few pages of Catching Fire. I'm never, ever that affected by books (and rarely by movies). Don't take me wrong...the book is heart-wrenching! I just didn't expect that to make me tear up, and it pretty much did. I blame my already precarious emotional state for my overreaction, but don't let that affect my recommendation--it's a good book!

Another part of my being emotional is that, however much I mask it, every time I am really excited about something not because it's something I love that I've done before, but because it's new, adventurous, and unprecedented, the happy part of the excitement is tinged with a healthy dose of fear...it probably has to be, to be truly, honestly exciting. What I'm doing now--summer job with a lot of responsibility in California; then graduate school, (mostly*) financial independence, a housing arrangement outside of school...my life seems like it's going to have some rapid hairpin-turn changes, and that looks intimidating. Possibly kind of like hills, which look steeper when you look forward at them. ;) [*mostly = excepting undergrad debt, which is still not in my name]

So, on to good things! I got to walk on the tarmac today at San Diego International! It was super-unusual, but really cool. I'll even accept having the aisle seat twice today for that privelege. I had a flight with a 30-minute connection, and the way my first plane arrived (4 minutes late, though it was like 20 minutes late leaving Chicago, so they did pretty well!), it was in another branch of the terminal than the outgoing flight. Going the "proper" way would require going through security again (!!!), so they gathered us up in a group and took us the "other" way, across the (short stretch of) field. There was baggage processing and toward the end a plane came taxi-ing to a gate nearby. I found myself laughing, almost hysterically. Fortunately it was loud, so no one heard, but I was still pretty giddy when I got on the plane.

Then I got my luggage, met my ride, and stepped out into...California. Not quite the way I remembered it, because I haven't been here in summer in 6 years. The flowers that were blooming seemed weird and out of place, and the smells weren't quite right, but still very much Californian (or maybe I say that because they starkly contrasted with the smells of Illinois). I think it was redwood...it was between pine and juniper...sweet, tree-y, and reminded me of home in a long-forgotten kind of way. I also had the strange feeling of being out of place for a while, but that went away as soon as I got here (AT's house). It's good to have a home away from home...especially when you're not quite sure where home is anymore... ;)

Tomorrow: Lunch with an old friend (LD) that I've miserably failed to keep up with, then shopping with AT's sister, possibly a quick drugstore run, and then...camp!

Friday: Training!