69.8 miles: Becoming a Responsible Adult

This post would not be complete without a reference to Hyperbole and a Half. Thank you Allie Brosh, you're awesome. Etc. That comic made me laugh...and cry a little on the inside. Because it was true...

I was talking to my mom yesterday. I was like "I really need to get my s**t together and become a responsible adult." [s**t added for emphasis. I didn't actually say it like that. Also it was in Russian.]

"Yes," replied my mother. "Me too."

I laughed hysterically.

List of responsible-adult things I have skills in doing:

• My laundry.
• Making food. Real food. With vegetables.
• Thorough cleaning and minor home repairs.
• Homework.
• Showing up/paying bills/doing things on time. Proof: I don't miss intercity buses or have overdue bills when there are consequences (having to get a new bus ticket or pay fines).
• Managing money. As in, not spending so much of my paycheck I'm uncomfortable with it. I'm pretty sure I live frugally, and feel like I'm not. :)
• Working out.
• Going to bed on time and waking up at a reasonable hour/early. If I either need to or both want to and got enough sleep.
• Tracking something about myself (I refuse to think I am incapable of jotting down a note every day).

List of responsible-adult things I don't actually do:

• My laundry, until I'm procrastinating or run out of something.
• Making real food. Microwave pizza? Sign me up. 3x a week. >_<
• Cleaning. Until I live in a sty.
• Homework, on time.
• Anything, on time that doesn't have such dire consequences (i.e. where an apology will do...or when I'm only breaking a promise to myself).
• Manag...actually I'll give myself this one. I do manage my money. :D
• Working out. Mostly, due to not finding time to when I have time and energy and outdoor light and tennis shoes and...get the picture?
• Going to bed on time, which logically leads to not getting enough sleep or getting up on time.
• Tracking something about myself (e.g. weight, temperature, hours spent on the internet, etc.)

Sometimes, I feel like I'm not doing as well in grad school as in undergrad (although my grades are unchanged), but frankly I'm just looking at it differently.  I'm looking for more balance in my life than I had before. I'm less willing to give up things like gym days (ok, I only have one, but I've kept it up since August, even though I skipped one for an important occasion, so that's a start! :) ), or trips to Chicago on my weekends.  I'm not just throwing myself at my work in fits and bursts, I'm trying to find a passion and a drive for it, in the context of a lifestyle that will be sustainable.  Balancing my work, my health/self/body, and my personal/social life.  I have a responsibility to all of these, and while I can't neglect my work and personal life to take care of my body (in the sense of committing to some insane program or whatever), I also can't neglect the other things.   I need my socialization for happiness and joy, and my work for a sense of accomplishment. I need all these things to be fulfilled.

The problem, as ever, is time.  Wanting to be home to cook a tasty and delicious dinner (rather than having reheated leftovers twice a day :/) but also wanting to get a workout in.  Wanting to be around for an evening study group, too.  

Today went surprisingly well...I crashed around 10 PM last night because I noticed myself getting distracted and knew that 4 hours of work without distraction (4-8AM) would be worth more to me than 4 hours of work with an AIM conversation in the background (10PM-2AM)...I would also be more awake and focused.  And strangely enough, today, again, I am noticing that my time now is worth less (productivity-wise) than my time in the morning would be.

Of course,  I also had weird energy swings today as a result...but all in all, surprisingly well-rested for what turned out to be more like 5 hours of sleep.

So for the sake of experiment, I'm trying to reallocate my time this week. I'm becoming a morning person for as long as I can sustain it (i.e. it might just be tomorrow, or it might be all week).  I doubt it'll continue indefinitely...but maybe it will cement this feeling of KNOWING that I can reallocate my time. That time tomorrow may actually be more valuable than time today...while I have always mentally understood this, it was hard on an emotional level...sometimes, I just want today to continue, because I don't have to do anything else today...but with tomorrow come new responsibilities.  This is a terrible mindset...there is nothing to fear in tomorrow.  Tomorrow is opportunity, and freedom, and (let's face it) weekday tomorrows bring us closer to weekends, and good things happen on weekends :)

So, this week? Looking forward to tomorrows. Doing Things in the morning, before work. Taking the 8:18 bus. Being A Responsible Adult, the trial run.

Hey, I can always go back to a student lifestyle next week. ;)