34.9 miles: Objective Proof That All People Suck

Read a really emotional series of comments today in response to a woman's post talking about how her coworkers and friends seemed to be looking down on her choice to have a baby. It spawned a lot of animosity from 3 different sides:

• People agreeing that their friends and/or usually their coworkers were very unsupportive (if not downright critical) of their choice to have children; and/or to have more than (2-3) children. Lots of anger at everyone who has such an attitude.
• People who were or believed they were choosing to remain childless their whole lives. These were generally of the opinion that people with families were obsessed with their children and had to talk about them all the time. Which clearly was not the case or the problem. They were also very much of the opinion of "You get 6 weeks off because you chose to do this, and you expect the rest of us to pick up the slack for the same salary?!"
• Stay-home-moms who feel looked down on by everyone (child-having and child-less) for "being lazy" or "not living up to [their] potential." Furthermore, they criticize working moms for not being able to parent their children as well because children are in daycare from an early age.

I hate that there is such animosity here on all fronts! Here is why:

• I don't think it needs to be said that working and parenting are incredibly difficult things to do simultaneously. Yet, if you want to develop a career and have children, you really have a limited time frame in which to do these things. So you multitask. Their parenting may partially be reflected in their choice of daycare or nanny rather than lots of time spent with their kids; but they are still strongly influencing the kids' upbringing. Furthermore, parenting is as much about quality as quantity. A good parent will be a good parent whether they work or not. I believe that. Furthermore, a parent can be a good worker; especially if they have a good support system. But we also shouldn't be making anyone work 60 hour weeks to advance their career. Even childless people need that time off, to spend with friends, spouses, SO's, alone, etc.
• I can respect the choice to not have children due to any reason, as long as it's genuine: medical/genetic, financial, or even (especially) a matter of preference. People who don't like or want children don't need to have them. However, I think it is completely rude for those same people to not respect our need as a society to have people who do reproduce (by the whole "how dare your choices impinge on my life!"). Or respect the right for those people to still want a career. Perhaps, while they are parenting, they will work less hours, take weird times or days off, and have emergencies. Or perhaps they'll have the most predictable children ever. Fact of the matter is, there are other causes for these behaviors besides children...chronic illness (or ill health), or accident; emergencies with friends, spouses, parents; home repairs...some things will be choices, many will not. Everyone takes days off; admittedly not everyone gets maternity leave, but that's a pretty special case of "illness"...or more generally "health." Ultimately, it's been shown that women who have children slow their progress up the corporate ladder; so perhaps not taking that break will earn the childless a quicker promotion, an overall higher salary. They'll need it to pay for their nursing home, where they'll die alone.
• I also respect stay at home moms. I've seen first hand how awesome it is to have a parent home when you get back from school, who cooks, who's there to help you with homework and play games and take you to the park and teach you things. Perhaps in our family there wasn't much choice in the matter; perhaps in another situation, I would have been a latchkey kid, but that's not what happened. My mom is highly educated, but by no means lazy. I don't think her education was wasted, by any means, as it gave her a great perspective to raise the 3 of us in. She also continued to pursue education and work throughout my childhood whenever it was possible; giving me (and my sisters) a fantastic example to live up to. So, if a family is able, through means or through sacrifice, to have a parent (male or female) stay home with their kids, I totally respect that! Kids get a lot out of this arrangement! It doesn't mean the at-home parent is any less intelligent or driven. They are just using their skills differently for the time being, and power to them!

So I guess my conclusion is that I am impressed with all three groups: one for multitasking, one for ambition and achievement, one for great love and parenting. I am also angry with the attitudes shown by all three: the working mothers could admit they are able to do less work and parenting as a result, but that that is okay by them; the childless ones could admit that children are a necessity and stop putting down everyone who has them, since these are the ones who will be taking care of them in their old age; and the stay at home parents could...I dunno, lose their inferiority complex and stand up proudly as full-time parents, I guess. That's my take.

For those who are like WTF Galina right now, I am concerned about these things because one day not too far away I will have to be making these decisions about my career and my family; I just hope I am strong enough to make them.